Moonlight Monologues

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Hi. I’m not sure what kind of  night you’re having because you look like you always do. I guess that’s part of being the moon; sitting in the middle of night,not saying much or doing much at all. Just looking. Waiting. Maybe for someone to look up and say ‘Hi’? I don’t know.

I feel like I can talk to you. Is it because of your kind phase? Sorry, bad moon joke.

Anyway, I wish I could cop a ride to where you are.  We could hang out. I’ll do most of the talking. Okay, all of it.
We’ll look down at this crazy world, watch as the pesky humanoids go about, trying to make sense of existence.

We’ll shake our heads at the clueless ones. We’ll want to shout and tell them to face reality. But we won’t. Reality will walk up to them and punch them right in the face; her flight might be a little late but she’ll get there eventually. Our hearts will break as we see theirs do. A tear may fall as theirs fall in torrents.

But on the other side of town, there are the hopeful ones. The dreamers. Lost in their own worlds, they barely register the one before them. That’s not always a good thing.

They’ll look up to us. We’ll be surprised at first. Shocked that they are looking directly at us. You won’t be able to turn but I’ll look behind us to see if they’re trying to catch the eye of a zooming shooting star. But it’ll be us that they’re looking at ; the moon and (his? Her? We should really have that conversation ) trustee sidekick.

For some reason, they wont ask me to give you guys a minute. For that night, all dreamer- moon privilege shall be waived.
Then they’ll tell us their heart, their pain, their deepest desires.
We’ll listen. Could we do anything beyond that? For some reason, you will be brighter. As if the dreams and pain of dreamers are the light you reflect back.

**
She’ll leave the house,wanting to just be outside. It’s a warm night and the moon seems to be beckoning her. She doesn’t think much about it but she knows what she feels.  She goes with her gut.

He’ll be walking down the street. He wont know where he’s going, but not home. Not right away. His chest will have a dull ache. Incessant. A slow burn on the inside. Never stopping. Never getting better.

He’ll see the bench, perfectly encased in the amber street light and he’ll know it’s where he was going. He’ll sit down with a sigh, wishing he could rip out his heart and be done with the pain.

He wont notice her sit beside him as his head will be buried in his hands.

‘Beautiful night, isnt it?’

He’ll look at her,sursprised. She’ll be smiling slightly, looking up at us. He wont be able to stop looking at her. The amber street light and the silverish moonlight will play on her features beautifully. She’ll look at him for the first time. He’ll look up at us quickly as the dull throb in his heart turns to flustered beats. They’ll look up at us, not really seeing us,  but the possibilities of the next lifetime.

He’ll be glad that he didn’t rip out his heart. He may have some use for it after all.

******
To every journey, there is an end. And to this journey, that end has come. Mwende the dreamer was born over two years ago but now it’s time she grew up a little.

I appreciate you, dear reader, who has been with me throughout the journey. Listening to my winding monologues and pushing me on when the hill got too steep.

I hope that you’ll join me as I start a new on my new platform mwendeideally.com.

You didn’t think I was actually quitting, did you? I’d go crazy if I didn’t write!

See you guys on the other side 😉

Before the Stardust Fades

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I have a picture of you in my head. A picture of who I think you are; of who you’re supposed to be. You haven’t said one wrong thing… yet. 
It’ll happen soon enough. You’re human, it will definitely happen. But I won’t be here when it does.

You see, right now you’re perfect. You’re whoever I want you to be,and that’s because I don’t know you.
You’re my blank canvas. I pick up my brush and I create this tale of you… I create you.
Only, you already exist. I can only create you in my mind.   

I use my stardust and with a light sprinkle, you become magical. A thing completely out of this world. You become the thing I most yearn for . Except that its not really you. It’s the stardust, and it fades. 

But there is a sun, and there is a moon. Darkness will fall and day will break, and it will be a new day. And after a few falls and breaks, my heart will find a way to beat again. Stardust shall be long forgot and the days shall move smoothly like a well-oiled machine.
But I’ll miss the magic. Until the day it’ll walk into my life on two feet. Then Stardust wont be just my imagination, cause it will be you. 

Frankenstein Heart

She’d gone into battle unarmed, unshielded. She was unprotected against his assault upon her. She banked his scent in her mind, a permanent reminder of what happiness smelled of. She spent hours staring into the depths of his eyes, memorising the crook of his smile, hanging onto every word that he said.

He became familiar. The feel of him, his very presence… she was so attuned to it, like the lyrics of a familiar song; she know every single word. He was … home.

She held nothing back. At the back of her mind, she wondered what would happen if somehow they didn’t work out.. but she brushed the thought aside as quickly as it came. There was no way that was going to happen. Only, there was.

She got the wind knocked out of her when he told her. He just, didn’t love her anymore, he said. Just. Like she would say, ‘is that the only reason? Well, thank God! I thought it was something else. Now that that’s cleared up, have a nice life’?
She’d built her life around him. When she thought of the future , she saw them. Together. Suddenly her future was blank.

The tears fell incessantly.  After she’d picked up the pieces of heart from the floor, it took weeks, months even, to fit them back together. She got her heart back, only that she had to sew up the gaps. It was never going to be the same.

The blood in her veins had run cold and the beat of her heart had changed . She’d moved on. She was whole. Different, but whole. She built an impermeable wall around her heart. On the outside, there wasn’t much difference. She was happy. Not the happiness that was based on someone else, but on herself.
Eventually, she met a nice guy. Sweet and every girl’s dream. Sardonically, she knew that the old ‘her’ would have fallen at ‘hello’ . But this new ‘her’ couldn’t .Frankenstein hearts don’t feel,after all .               

My Steel Magnolias

Steel Magnolias. Thirty minutes into the film and I was still trying to figure out what exactly the main story was. You see, ‘black movies’ kinda have a template flow and I guess I was looking for that … till, of course, I got so wrapped up in the story I forgot to watch it with a raised eyebrow and the antagonistic ‘mhmm’.

I can’t remember the last movie I watched that made me cry and  a split second later made me laugh. Yes, go out and get it right now if you haven’t yet watched it.

So what exactly is the movie about? Its about love and friendship. Its about living to the fullest, even if that has a cost and about having true friends who are not just there for the parties and the weddings but friends who’ll stand there and listen to your angry, mournful tirade that has no logical flow. Friends that will not try to look for words that seem appropriate but will do the craziest thing just to make you smile.

I thank God that I have such friends. Friends that’ll take one look at me and know I’m not alright. Friends that will say the most outrageous things and God only knows why I still stand there and listen. My friends accept my crazy, and even days like today when I go all Ice princess on everyone, they still stand by me.

You’ll kill me, I know, but at least I have a day to live.

Jane, for your impartiality when everyone doesn’t agree with me,
Sheila, for your sunshiny personality and frankness,
Sopi for your laughter,
Rita for your straightforwardness and smile,
Tasha for your randomness which is (sorta, kinda, 2nd cousin thrice removed) kin to my randomness.

You know you’re my girls ;). I don’t say it enough but I really do love and appreciate you guys.

And that’s enough mush for the month…. or year …. lets just see how things go.        

Msichana wa Nairobi: the Chronicles

Today was a great day. I rarely  say this because somewhere in my twisted mind, I feel like I’m daring fate. If anything terrible was to happen it would probably happen now……… nope. Nothing *Thank you, God*….. still here :). #phew.

Back to compounding the awesomeness of the day, great things didn’t happen today but I would say the beauty was all in the details. The morning brought with it’s (now)usual weather mood swings but after the other day I think we all learnt our lesson ( when the clouds looked so ominous that everyone left home ready for the mother of all rainy days, only for a scorching hot afternoon) ( no one was laughing, fate. It wasn’t funny… ok, maybe a little ).
Got to school in time, had a productive group meeting. Is it me or does group work sometimes feel like a game with  the twist being that 90% of the task is actually working as a group and not the assignment? Anyhu, did the impossible .

At a point I found myself trying out the cool moves of ‘Wakwitu’,  in the best Faiba ( and in my opinion, Kenyan ) advertisement.  ( Pwani life and Daima,  take notes! Stop giving us mini-heartattacks in traffic with your billboards ). It’s so cool that he sounds authentically kao when he says, ‘ai, mboss wee’! #ilaugh

Going back home, there was a monster jam so I decided to ‘rest my eyes’. Next thing I know the lady beside me says ‘Someone has died up ahead’.
Somehow that slapped the last inkling of sleep from my person. I don’t know why I looked. But I did. I’m kind of a daredevil when it comes to crossing the road ( not really). More like a ‘nigonge uone ‘  confidence .

My first instinct was to completely ignore the scene but deep down I needed to see it so that it could register in my head how serious it all is.    

You know how they sometimes liken the human head to a watermelon? Its true. That’s all I’ll say.

Chivalry ain’t dead
A person I later on learnt was my neighbour helped me carry 10l of water up the stairs. And who said chivalry was dead?! Oh wait! I did…point taken, I guess. Its interesting how in this age we’re not very neighbourly with our neighbours, isn’t it?

Lastly, ( I know, I know, its really long but stay with me a moment ) its that time of the year again; BAKE AWARDS!!! This will be the second awards since its inception last year, where you get to appreciate the best Kenyan bloggers. Last year I cheekily nominated myself ..and fell flat on my face :). (No worries, I was rolling on the floor laughing. 😉 ). Coming up against the greats such as the Bikozulu?? As in, what was I thinking?!? Get the joke now?

You’re the guys who’ve suffered through this post and many others like it so, what do you think? Should I do it? Or should I just end this post already and with it my hopes?    

Words of Life

I could write a beautiful story
I could write a moving poem,
I could give you my life story,
Lay my life out on a blank page, but it will be nothing but scum.
Useless.

I could give you a reason to follow my writing,
I could give you what you want to read, but it wont be what you truly need.

I could give you fairy-tales ,
I could give you bone-chilling thrillers.,
I could give you down to earth drama,
I could give you rib-cracking comedy and we could all go home and call it a day.

I could make you laugh, I could make you cry.
I could write to expose, I could write to hide.
I could write about you, I could write about me.

But I don’t want to.
It will fade away. All of it. Then my life’s mission will have been for nothing. My talent will have been hidden in the ground and when my Master returns, I shall give it back to Him, and He shall call me a foolish servant.

I could write about all the things that tickle my fancy. I could write about everything in the whole wide world, but if I don’t talk about God, it will all be vanity!

If I don’t tell you that someone loves you, in spite of all your faults, in spite of the fact that you scoff at His name, in spite of the fact that you refuse His calling and chose instead to live for yourselves, then to what purpose would my gift be?   

Being a Christian is not just going to church on Sunday, on Easter and on Christmas. Being a Christian is living life wholly and completely for God. It’s giving up your will for God’s will. It’s a sacrifice. But not an empty one.

The word ‘ Sacrifice’ comes with imagery of barbaric acts done by cults but all it means is giving up one thing for something else.

It’s not easy! And its not supposed to be easy. But one thing’s for sure; it’s worth it.

All I can ask you to do is to evaluate what exactly you live for. Yourself? For the high? To please someone? To be loved?
Its never going to be enough.
Only God can satisfy.
The choice is yours. 

This post gives you the option of naming it ( scroll down for more information )

I don’t travel during the day. I  wait for the sun to complete it’s Safari to the other side of the world before I board a bus. When it’s up to me, anyway. Today, it wasn’t. (Apparently, traveling boosts my blogging juices).

I cannot remember the last time I traveled with either of my parents, leave alone both of them. So, today’s been weird. I tend to get nauseous so food has been a complete no-no. The last time I travelled, I didn’t buy water, assuming that they would supply some in the bus as they usually do. They didn’t. I suffered. So today I bought water and they gave me more. I’m stuck sharing a seat with 3 bottles. (By the by, is it me or does Afia lemon taste like 7up? It doesn’t even taste like lemon!!!! And the way I had psyched up for it ….sigh).

Anywhoo, now I’m awake. I dosed of earlier while Dad taught Mum Greek (…… literally). It wasn’t even dosing, more like closed-eyes, semi-sleeping, semi-thinking state.

The thing about traveling alone is that you get stuck with some really interesting seatmates. I sat next to an advocate I had seen in Court while I was interning and we had an awesome conversation about faith and I got to share about Christ, which was awesome. There’s a time I sat next to a guy who had been in diaspora for more than 20 years and he’d come with his family for the first time since then. I’ve sat next to someone who chewed miraa and wore those hideous Jean suits and kept asking me if I was ok. I could go on and on…. bottom line, today I struck out.
  
Instead of staring into the growing dark or disturbing the peace of anyone who haplessly responds to the “Hi! Kunitupa nayo?!” text, I thought I would come by and clear some of the cobwebs on the blog.

I’ve been home for about a month now after my first year at University. Well, Uni is not high school, that’s for sure. When I’m in school, I’m at a new level of independence from that when I’m at home. I’m not the kid in the house anymore and I actually feel like an adult. And then I go home….

ION, I’m two readers away from achieving 5,000 views. WOO HOO!!!  Thank you for reading, especially you repeat offenders 😉

PS I CUT MY HAIR!!! 🙂 

It feels impossible to get a title to this blog!! And my options are getting ridiculous ;
Bus-inga! (Think Sheldon Cooper)
I’m on the Highway (to hell??)
Greek, buses and all things unrelated
All things Bussy ( I’m killing myself, here! )
Bustopia
This post gives you the option of naming it ( scroll down for more information )