It is now 2 hours to the end of my 18th year on this planet. It’s been a ride and a half and it’s about to get even better, I believe.
I will be able to look back at the year and admit how stupid I have been because I would have been wiser than I had been. That’s always an interesting part of growing up. When I used to have a diary, I would read it only at the end of the year and wonder who that naive girl was?
I have a lot of growing up to do and boy, do I know it!! Some lessons are harder than others but learn them I must. Some history is hard to work through but it has to be done.
Everyday, I and I believe other christians struggle to let our flesh/ human nature/ desires die. Only then can the Holy Spirit take control, wholly and completely. Only then can we lead a life that is right, in EVERY SINGLE THING. That is my goal.
Here’s to a new year!!
That’s right folks! This little lady left 80100 and is now 00200 ( I think those r the codes). I am going to miss home like crazy but I’ll get through! School starts next week and I am nowhere near thrilled about it. I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown! But if God wills it to be so, I will hack!
So on Saturday, I packed up most of my earthly belongings (excluding the dogs) and said goodbye to Mombasa ( the rest couldn’t fit into the bag. I am just lucky I didn’t have to personally carry it).
I am staying with my sister in her apartment, which is a far cry from home sweet home. Goodbye silence ; hello neighbour’s stereo with someone singing along to Rose Muhando! Goodbye tropical heat; hello constant baridi! I could go on…I know live in constant fear of becoming claustrophobic.
I have a pair of really ugly shorts that I have had for more than 6 years. They are not even shorts but I wear them as such. They are actually fishy dungarees which are brown, maroon, black…let’s say predominantly brown ;). Mum hates them. She’s tried everything from bashing them to buying others but ain’t no way I’m letting this pair go! They are really comfy, take my word for it.
Upto yesterday, I have only worn these shorts at home. I was thinking about it and it’s like I have only worn them in places I ‘trust’. Places where I feel most comfortable.
We do the same thing when it comes to relating to other people. At first, you wear a suit. Formal. Everything looks perfectly laced up on the outside. As time goes by, you start loosening your tie, maybe you change to a casual jeans and T-shirt, but the nice t-shirt!
You slowly learn more and more about each other; creating a place of comfort. As you get used to each other, the old tshos with the stains and mashimo start to be seen. But you will know that you are true friends with someone when you can pull out your pair of ugly shorts, reserved only for home use, and comfortably walk down the street with your pal alongside.
Papa, it’s cold outside.
The night has long fallen and evil walks the streets,
Please hold me, let me forget what is beyond that door.
Just like when I was a little girl, papa, hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.
No one can be trusted, for evil lingers in the hearts of man,
Waiting for an opportunity to devour the innocent, prey on the weak,
My soul is slowly dying Papa, suffocating under this blanket,
This blanket that is fear.
My heart cries out in anguish!
Who was there for that little girl when her innocence was tarnished? Or that little boy who struggled to rise each day from the previous night’s beating?
No one is safe! The shadows, long and dark stretch out, leaving nothing in their wake but destruction.
Papa, where is the good?
You said my voice should defend the defenseless,
Well, Papa, my voice is hoarse,
Still evil reigns,
Sleep eludes me night after night as I search, now I ask you,
Where is the good, Papa?
Where is the good?
IT’S SEPTEMBER!! I love September! Not just because it’s my birthday month…..ok, because it’s my birthday month. *yay* Especially this year; the first time in 12 years that I won’t be in school on the D-day.( it’s actually 3 days to when I am expected to report to school) My year begins in September. ( January is just not to my taste, you see). It’s when I do my recap of the past year. Throughout the whole month, I do things I wouldn’t normally do, just because… you know… that pair of shoes I have been longing to get, those earrings that i hadn’t exactly planned on buying….but I have the cash so..It’s also a time to thank God, to realize that anything could have gone wrong, but it didn’t.
I thank God that He was with me through the times when it seemed the morning would never come. I Thank God for new friends and old, for awesome opportunities, those that I utilized and those I missed. I thank God that this time last year, I was a nervous candidate and now I have Him to thank for all I am today, waiting to go to school before the end of this month. I thank God for the joy and laughter of 18. I thank God for the sorrow and tears that I have felt. I thank God for the strength to let go and the strength to allow myself to feel the pain. That has been the greatest lesson of 18! I wonder what 19 will be like. I can’t wait to find out!! 🙂
On that note, I want to do something I don’t normally do. Save for last year, my birthday usually passes quietly, save for those few people who remember. It’s always been a time for self reflection. You may say boring, but I say sobering. Last year, my fellow music students (bless their souls) got Eric Wainaina to call me on stage and wish me a happy birthday during the Classical Fusion. Unfortunately, I had just been pickpocketed and was in no mood to party. Boo hoo. Anyway, this year, I want to share my day. I don’t have formal plans as such so I am open to suggestions!
The grave irony of my last post of which I had asked for advice from you, dear reader, is that it stands completely unresponded to. 😥 . Just so you know, the whole ‘mess’ is sorted.