I can not tell you the number of online personality tests I have done online!!! At a point, it was almost a obssession. I went from the four temperaments to the more comprehensive Myers Briggs type indicator. From Keirsey.com to BBC’s The Big Personality Test… the list is endless.
Who amI ? That’s the question I was striving to answer. The question I still strive to answer everyday. This question plagues us all, some more than others.
I thought that once I knew who I was, I would be able to plan my life accordingly. Be it in terms of career or the type of person I would be romantically inclined towards. Well, at first, it seemed like it did seem to make things clear and to some extent, I understood how I worked. But as time went by, I realised I didn’t fit perfectly into the mold I had been cased in. So test after test, I got very different answers to the point where I just gave up on them all together.
Right now, I might have lost half my readership as they wonder whatever I may be talking about. But think about it. Think back to that moment in time when you discovered a type of music that you could relate to. Be it reggae, hip hop, afro-fussion, classical, rock…whichever you fall in. Then you became “msee wa reggae”. There was a certain peace that came with that identity. You could say you belong somewhere. Suddenly, your speech pattern changed, your dressing reflected the kind of person you thought you were.
I will be honest and say that I can not understand myself and over the years, that has caused me quite a measure of frustration as I tried to answer the unanswered. We would go into a gathering and ‘barbies’ end up in one group, so-called ‘hustlers’ in another and little ol’ me without a clue to who I was. Later on I was classed in the ‘wierd’. Because I just wouldn’t fit in anywhere else. I loved it :). Still do.
We look for someone to tell us who we are. Even worse, we expect everyone else to fit into the impression of who we think they should be. That’s what trends do to us. Suddenly this look is hot and half the world looks the same in seconds!!
People are killing their brain cells!!!! Creativity dies a little more everyday as we conform. Honestly, that’s just laziness. We are not robots made just to obey strict commands by a faulted inventor. We are human. We have independent brains, hearts…the ability to change the world anew each time the sun rises. Even more importantly, we were made to obey an unflawed God.
It happens that this ‘identity’ seems to be all we ever need. We build our lives around it and settle down. Our jobs, our friends, hobbies, baseless beliefs…and they carry us through the drama of life. But this foundation is not enough to carry us for long. With time, the cracks form and life falls apart. All because we did not correctly answer that one question accurately.
“Who am I?”
“What is important to me?”
“What do I live for?”
These questions have already been answered. It’s just that we, in our foolish wisdom deny them. We reject what is best for us for what we want. The result of this is evident in the unrest of a millionaire who has everything he thought he could ever want but still feels like something is missing. It is evident in every person who has stood on a ledge and said he /she had no reason to live.
This thing about leaning on our own understanding has backfired in our faces ever since Eve’s era.In short, it has never worked.
But there is a Way, a Truth and a Light. All you have to do is ask. It’s that simple.