Anytime I go shopping, I look for stuff that have one particular characteristic; that of being unique. And even in life, I try not to be like “everyone else”, choosing instead to go against the flow. I hate clichés. Saying them makes me feel all rubbery inside because I feel like I have stolen something and somehow become normal.
As a kid, it was much worse. I kept on waiting for my super powers to manifest themselves. There was a time I was totally convinced I had blue-green blood ( like the movie that used to come in KBC) and you would not believe how hard I would try to listen to people’s thoughts( that, I believed, was my intended super power). With time came maturity…then I thought I was a human lie-detector. (Lie to me ;))
I was obsessed!!!! When other guys were using I-don’t-know Hb pencils, I bought mine from Nawal Centre( …) When we were told to use fountain pens, I had a parker pen:).
Anyway, life happens and when it does, you realize it happened to some people before it happened to you. Thus, everything you do seems to be cliché. I learned that the hard way. When someone I knew died, I had a difficult time grieving because I had all these images in my head of how people reacted in such a situation, and I was reacting the same way. I hated that. I wanted to be myself. Meaning, react in my own kind of way rather than what is usually done or considered right in such a situation.
When I start falling for a guy and all these emotions feel so normal, so common…I rarely tell anyone. Because at that moment, i feel so human. Terrible, right? It sucks to find out that you are just like everyone else. Even worse, when you fall under the spell of some guy that you know half the country adores (“puuuhhhleassse!!!! I would never sink myself to that level” you tell your friends, knowing full well you are nuts about the guy).
Whether I want to believe it or not, I am normal. I am just like everyone else. Death is an inevitable part of life. Grief is an emotion that can be expressed in it’s own way but the main point is, it must be expressed. As to love, it lives as long as we breathe. Of course, we are all individuals, each with our own different personalities. But our humanity draws us together, making us one people.
What remains, is to stop looking around on what others are doing, what has been done and to figure out what I myself can and will do. I guess the worst thing about clichés is that you know how they will end. Unless, of course, things pan out differently. Anything is possible.
In this cliché that is my life, I don’t want to predict it. Because then I’ll try to make it into something that in my opinion ‘ought to happen’ rather than what God meant it to be. The difficulty comes in play at the point where I have to let go and trust Him completely. After all, He sees the whole picture in perfect clarity whereas what we see is just the blur of today and tomorrow.