A Friend In-screen

 

I have had a long and treasured relationship with television which all began when my parents discovered it to be the best baby sitter. Thus, as other kids went outside to play, I travelled the world, learnt new languages (kinda) and gained perspective. ..all from the comfort of my tush(and the couch of course).

So when time came for me to go to school, i was more than a little out-of-place. As you can expect, Kiswahili was bumped down to 2nd place and English became my first language( my scores aaalll the way to high school clearly attest to the fact that kiswahili is a foreign langauge to me  ;))

I was about 9 when i wrote an essay that I was really excited about. I was sure i was going to ace it kabisa!!! It was in those days of La Usurpadora(or something like that)#donthate#…..those days when soaps were soaps!!! I don’t even know what to call some of these things they are bringing onscreen!! Soaps za siku hizi, either plot ni predictable or just simply ridiculous!! Kama character amekuf, amekuf! And kwani Philippines is how big hadi you don’t jua your own kid hadi the priest is about to say “i now pronounce you man and wife?!”

….anyway, La Usurpadora(or something like that). 9-year-old-me creates this awesome story and titles it “The Usurper” (Lightening flash). boy, oh boy, oh boy………………i got less than half of the total score!!!!!! My teacher didn’t even know the spelling of the word usurper?!?!? (i looked it up, trust me) But i let that slide. that’s when i discovered how to transfer imagination to paper .

Changing Times (na si ya tv ;))

 

 

“In life, change is the only constant.”

Up until a few moments ago, I didn’t fully appreciate the meaning of those words. I was trying to hold on to the person I was a couple of months ago. Trying to give life to something that was already six feet under. I gave myself the excuse of how perfect life seemed at that moment and that if I only went back, if I only held onto that state of mind, maybe I could get a second chance….well that obviously didn’t work because here I am.

With every passing day, I have changed. With every person I have come to know, I have grown a little more. With every challenge thrown my way, I have gained strength. I can never be the person I once was. That person no longer exists. She can only be remembered.

Life happens. Maybe, life was perfect at a given time and place. But that perfection was not strong enough to make it through the change. That was as long as it was ever meant to last.

Things get complicated when friends come into the picture. Do you really want to let them go? True, some are seasonal, meant to last only for a window of time while others, you hold on to for a lifetime. In my experience, you may not consciously decide to let them go but you just end up drifting apart. Acceptance is  what I have to learn now. Accepting that things are different and they will never ever ever ever ever ever ever  ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever be the same again.

And I just have to deal with it!( not as simple as it sounds…but a girl can hope, can’t she?)

Lazima Niseme!!

 

You know how events in life sometimes fuatana to emphasize a particular point? Driving a given point home? My last few days are exhibit A. I am about a week into my first work experience, which is pretty much a secretarial post. So i spend my days staring at a computer, *mostly online ‘research’ *#wink#/// What?! Its free internet connection!!! Who wouldn’t take advantage of that in today’s Kenyan economy?? ///…anyway, I was at the front desk Jana working on the computer ( read on Fb) when guy ingias with some documents that he wanted Wakili ( my boss) to sign. He had that weasel-quality in a ka -shags mudo flavor, despite the fact that he wore specs..l have an inclination towards the bespectacled;) of course it depends on the kind of specs but….you catch my drift. So the weasel is talking to my colleague and he gives me the weird sidelong look.I was thinking he was amused at my ka-pot since it was just after lunch ….#ilovemypot#:) then he semas in that kaoish high voice –si kuhate cause am obviously kao but ni fact– ” excuse me, but do you know your beautiful? ”

 WAWAWAWAWA! !!!!!!! By the way kuna lines zengine that are only found in the same sentence as ‘back in the day ..’ What?! If it was not for the fact that i was in shock, I would have mwagaad 10 layers of ATT. All those retorts I had heard before came to mind. I settled on the cool, calm candid answer of ‘ yes, I do’ and turned back to the comp neatly ignoring him until he left. Enyewe some things you don’t expect to hear in this era. I would expect Kenyans to have gained that savoir faire, that ka- class that would at least give a girl some options. Honestly, he wanted the blushing. ‘ thank-you ‘? NEVEH!!!

Today, I was stalked by some two masaai dudes dressed in full regalia!!! They were even singing in the street, no less. I was almost gongwaad by a car trying to hepa lest they throw me over their shoulder and kidnap me .


*sigh* I have had a rough week AND IT’S TUESDAY!!! God, help me! Kenyan men….woi! !! Let’s just say the economy is not the only thing in Kenya that’s weak in quality!!It is soooooo hard to patana with someone and have a meeting of the minds. Note, this is all in my experience. Maybe I should blame my dad cause he set the bar too high. OOPS!!! The day I do meet a Guy to whom sense is not a foreign language, I will take back the words on this post. DEAL?!

Portrait

Babygirl,

Come. Look in the mirror. What do you see? An old woman well beyond her prime and a young girl waiting for hers, is it? Look closer darling.There’s more to the picture, much,much more.

Look at my hair;

 There was a time it was long , black and lustrous.But stubborn indeed! We didn’t have the option of relaxing it in my day. No.I had to employ the use of a scarf to make it manageable. And Thank God for that, dear angel, for it was the day i wore a green scarf that i happened to meet your grandfather. Green was his favourite colour and soon after, i was his favourite girl. Now it has lost its spunk, streaked with grey it shows my age, doesn’t it? Perfect!

Look at my eyes;

They were just like yours: wide with innocence, curious to the world’s end and sparkling with joy. I lost that sparkle but you shouldn’t. Hold on to it, dearest, for when life gets tough, and i assure you it will, it might be the only thing that keeps you sane. Always laugh! Find joy for sorrow will find you. My eyes have dimmed over the years as sorrow after sorrow claimed my soul. My eyes, no longer innocent, have seen the evil of the world and gained wisdom through pain. My eyes crinkle with sadness, they crinkle with joy. It all lies in the balance.

Look at my lips;

 These lips have brandished a smile that would have brought any hot-blooded man to his knees. They still do! My lips have embraced the new life of a baby. My lips have kissed the lips of my one true love. None other than he. From my lips  have words been spoken to build my children, to soothe, to express my emotions, to change the world.

Look at my hands;

 They have toiled to give my family joy. With them,I wiped the sweat off my forehead. With them, i shielded my own mother from abuse and wiped her wounds clean. With them, i cradled her in my arms like a babe, as i did to your mother and later on to you. I wiped away all you tears. With my hands i embraced, with my hands, i caressed, with my hands, i applauded, with my hands, i gave life.

Look at my beautiful chocolate skin;

What’s not to like about it? It shows my heritage, my rich culture. Do you know the first thing your father ever said to me? ” well, aren’t you just a tall glass of gorgeous chocolate milk?” i didn’t even grace him with a reply and i walked away. Good thing he is so persistent! The only way to wear your skin right is with pride!

Look at my body;

 it has withstood the test of time and trials. Through it i bore your mother and through her, you.

Look at you;

 There is so much to experience, so much to learn. Stay strong, Babygirl. Stay happy. Reach to God. Know yourself. Stand for good. Love to the fullest. Live life.

how about -‘A Beginning? ‘

Characteristically, I would probably stare at a blank screen for about 2 days *as I have done since Friday* trying to think of an appropriate first post. I would also carry out my own version of a research to cover all my bases # I tried to, anyway # . V, a good friend of mine, would look at me right about now and say ‘si you just start. Kwani what’s the problem? ‘ The problem is I am an overthinker. I paid the price for that dearly in high school English :)If you tell me to cross the road I would tell you that the pavement on this side is less crowded, the light just turned green and that I don’t want to pass in front of that duka because the shopkeeper gives me the hibby jeebies …or words to that effect.The doctors are still in deliberation on what neurological disorder I am exhibiting. In the meantime I get to bare my soul to you guys:) oh come on!!! It’s not so bad. //I hope// plus I kinda got bored with my journal cause it can’t post comments 🙂 * aaand
..I don’t know where it is* ok am not the most carefully person in the world. But I have my moments 🙂 If you have come this far into the monologue,….*dramatic Oscar moment* ‘I don’t know wat to say. Except +sob+ thank you soo much!! -wiping off hypothetical tears-