It’s been a warped day. For
one, I’m not bored to tears on a Monday morning. Weird!! Aaaand… I was two hours late to court. Two whole hours!!! And fifteen minutes if you want to be technical. Gasp, I know. How does that happen?? Well, here’s a complete guide to being late to work.
Get a job. Or just go to school. In this case, law school. Can’t be late for something you don’t have … except of course a period. Anyway..
Pass just enough to finish second year( no pressure. As are overrated ), then attend clinicals (attachment to the court , as you may call it).
Get just enough official armour, including just one pair of shoes that go with everything. (Don’t look at me like that )( yes, I’m a girl. Mwanamke si multiple pairs of shoes! )
Have a cat with a fashion sense that immediately decides that your shoes stink and decides to show you just how much, by pissing on them.
Wash said cat-piss shoes. Allow them to dry overnight. Wake up the next day to find shoes dry but still strongly scented. Perfume said shoes heavily with your Mama’s special perfume.
Wake up at the time you’re supposed to be leaving the house. Leave an hour later, when you were supposed to be in court.
Have a father with a keen honker who picks up on the cat piss shoes and insists you need new shoes. Agree, begrudgingly but secretly excited!
Go shopping at 9 am, an hour past the time your supposed to be in court
Here’s the important bit(the whole process relies on this ): have a small shoe size. One that, for some discriminatory reason, Bata never seems to have a shoe for. Go to three different stores. Settle in the third, for any shoe that fits at all.
Get a tuktuk to court, nervous for the first time the whole morning since your always extra super early. Find that your magistrate isn’t even sitting!!
Thank God!! Let your friends rib you for being late. Be ready to tell them the whole story about cat piss shoes. But they don’t ask. Get disappointed. Grab your phone instead and blog about it to people who have no choice but to read( love you guys). Smile and wait for comments.
Ps if my supervisor is reading this, all accounts in this post are fictionalized and I should not be held liable if you think its referring to any existing person. Saaaay… me .
I’m a good girl, I promise!!! This is the only time! Okay, the last time.